Not a very good way to celebrate the holidays, but who’s to speak anyway?
For cateris.

✖

Lights flickered overhead and their shine painted the windowpane vividly. Everything around him was as colorful as the lights that shined just above him and he was there, one cup in hand as he looked out. Kai didn’t particularly like watching. He’d already been watching all his life. The coffee that warmed his skin was the only thing that made sense and everything else passed him in a blur.

Not a very good way to celebrate the holidays, but who’s to speak anyway?

Kai propped his elbow on the table and caught his chin with his free hand, eyes cast down and trained on his reflection on the dark coffee. A man with sleep-deprived eyes and terribly unkempt hair stared back at him, and for a moment back there he was unable to recognize himself. It’s not much about what he became, rather, what he couldn’t become.

His reflection was casted into ripples as he laughed to himself. Sometimes, maybe it’s not good leaving him to his own devices. It made him think – far too much for his own good.

The small golden bell that hung over the door rung softly across the quiet café, and Kai found himself raising his head to acknowledge the newcomer. To his surprise, it was Uruha, clad in a black coat and face covered with humongous sunglasses, possibly trying to be incognito despite the time of the night. Uruha didn’t seem too surprised seeing Kai there. Maybe he didn’t see him at all.

Kai slinked back into his seat and pulled the table towards him, to give the seat more space just in case Uruha decides to join him there. A little part in Kai didn’t want that, which was more than a little bit odd, if you think about it.

He watched Uruha as he walked up to the counter, and Kai wondered what it was that he could’ve ordered. Latte? Caramel? Some alcoholic drink (they did serve it here)? Kai shook his head and just sipped on this drink, deciding that his job to worry was done for the day. He took his eyes off his band mate for a moment but was unable to look away for too long.

Uruha looked his way and took his sunglasses off, nodding his head slightly in greeting. Kai did the same. Smiling came naturally for him too, and Uruha smiled back. Kai lowered his head and stared on his reflection again, but his eyes couldn’t focus much anymore. He blinked repeatedly and barely noticed Uruha already sitting in front of him.

“Yutaka,” Uruha said, voice low enough to be almost a whisper.

“Kouyou,” Kai chirped, “I thought you were going straight home after the live.” He took the teaspoon beside his cup and swirled it on his coffee.

The guitarist shrugged nonchalantly. “Was supposed to…” he stopped as the waitress laid his iced coffee on the table and muttered a small thanks, before looking back at Kai. “But I didn’t see you.”

Kai furrowed his brows and pursed his lips slightly, wary that he might have forgotten something again. He was pretty sure he didn’t. “Why, what’s up?”

The air became still for the longest time but Kai couldn’t dare breaking the silence, and instead only looked straight at Uruha, who seemed busy putting sugar on his drink. Kai didn’t even think that the other man liked sugar in his coffee. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, drank a bit from his own coffee cup. His eyes were still fixed on Uruha, on the other’s hand, which stirred the teaspoon languidly. It was obvious he was only stalling on his answer.

“You’re distancing yourself again.” It was a declaration, a statement that came all too suddenly. Kai looked up and found Uruha staring at him, looking through him. His gaze was most definitely probing, but that certain gentleness in them wasn’t lost to Kai. The drummer creased his forehead again.

“I don’t understand what you’re saying,” Kai answered silently. To some extent, he really didn’t. But only to some extent.

Perhaps the view from outside the window drew Uruha in too, and Kai looked at him stare out. “You’re…” Kai almost held his breath as he heard and saw Uruha’s lips move, “…thinking too much. Again.”

Kai only let out an almost nervous laugh as he pressed his cup back onto his lips, gulping on the liquid a little bit too much for one swig, and he pulled back with a slight wince. “I try not to, Kouyou. I really do.”

He stared forlornly down on his coffee – the cup already half empty – and sighed. He tried not to think of the fatigue that plagued every inch of his muscle, the mental and emotional repercussions that came with his work. Kai tried to appear as human as possible with his poor excuses for breaking down and getting angry but in the end just dismissing all negativities with a small, because smiling was always a cure to such a stressful job and lifestyle, right?

“You’re failing miserably at it,” Uruha said with a smile, and Kai couldn’t help himself from mirroring that smile… for the sake of smiling, even if the other didn’t see it.

Uruha’s eyes were still glued to the scenery outside, and his hands on both sides of his coffee cup. “But this is good…” His voice was barely audible. “You finding time for yourself. It’s good. Getting a break from everything every once in a while.”

“I noticed,” Kai laughed, and Uruha cracked a smile.

“It’s nice to escape once in a while,” Uruha continued, and Kai nodded in agreement.

“It is.”

Uruha downed his coffee in one gulp and Kai winced, eyes widening even. That definitely wasn’t healthy, but then again, he didn’t dare speak up.

“Yutaka?” Kai missed the first glow of fireworks on the sky as he turned to face Uruha, who was still looking outside.

“Yeah?”

“I want to be the one you escape to.”

Kai curled his hands on his coffee cup and thought it was starting to get cold, but it didn’t matter thanks to the pair of hands over his own that comforted his skin with warmth. A smile tugged at the end of his lips and Uruha turned at just about the right time to catch how Kai’s skin glowed.

The fireworks display outside caught everybody’s attention; each person’s eyes wide and in awe as shapes and colors filled the night sky. Kai turned back at Uruha and their eyes met.

“Can we stay here for a few moments longer?” the drummer asked quietly, taking Uruha’s hands into his own.

Uruha cracked another sweet smile. “Sure.”

Lights flickered overhead and outside, painting colorful spots on the windowpane beautifully (and there really isn’t anything to describe this moment more than beautiful).