The light on your face and a wave of déjà vu

[miseinen]

For miyuchi/granitemouth

✖

He was just an ordinary classmate to him, Shin. The typical geek, perhaps not studies-wise but in his work in the school paper, but Nao wasn’t one to talk. If there was such a thing as a soccer geek, then he would be one.

Occasionally they exchanged glances, customary hellos so as not to be completely rude (at least for Nao’s part). But Shin never seemed to reply – he’d always avert his eyes whenever Nao met his and only did a short nod whenever acknowledged, sometimes none at all. Just like every other acquaintance, and honestly not once did Nao think of the other boy that much. He was just another classmate, another face he’d come to forget, not even if it’s been years that they practically knew each other. Shin was a bit of a snob, Nao certainly wasn’t, but somewhere along the way their existence would be driven at the back of both their minds.

But maybe some invisible force didn’t want everything to end there; perhaps there was something besides the corrosion of their memory of each other in the (not-so-) distant future waiting for them.

It wasn’t everyday that Shin would decide to slack in his work even for just a few minutes, it wasn’t everyday that Nao forgot to bring his towel to practice – in fact never in the seventeen (actually only three, but who’s counting?) years that they’ve done their routines did they falter.

For the first time in his life, Nao had stopped, lips slightly parted, to admire something that didn’t include news about the junior league, flashy cars, or the skimpy skirts that girls wore. For the first time in his life, he just stood there, watching how the afternoon sun cast orange shades onto another person’s face – Shin’s face – and how it didn’t really make the pale skin – that pale skin he’s come to admire as of that moment – glow as he imagined it would. Frankly it was no different from seeing his good friend Izumi, who usually sits by the window, dozing off during an afternoon class, except the sunlight is a shade paler. But there was something alluring in the way that Shin’s nose crinkled every now and then and his lips slightly curl on the sides.

Of course for Shin the acknowledgement wasn’t similar – he was sleeping, after all.

The magic was lost when Nao’s foot suddenly moved out of his will and a small squeak was made by the sole of his shoe; that’s when Shin woke up. He didn’t stir slowly like Nao imagined he would but instead the smaller boy immediately shot a piercing, albeit blank, look at him.

“Uh… just gonna get my towel,” the taller announced suddenly, immediately dashing to his locker and getting out of there as fast as he could; the time that he spent gawking over Shin’s form was about five times longer than he spent in retrieving his towel. He never even got to see how Shin reacted to his presence. It was stupid and a little bit scary staying there anyway, and he just couldn’t fathom why there was something so attractive and nostalgic in Shin’s sleeping face, bathed by sunlight. On his way back to the field, Nao cursed inwardly, deciding he didn’t want to see Shin’s reaction; he probably just had a stern face anyway.

As expected, Shin’s lips were pressed into a straight line, and his eyebrows creasing just slightly. But unbeknownst to the two of them, there was a sparkle in the smaller boy’s eyes that wouldn’t have existed had that short incident never taken place.

• • •
After that incident Nao would always forget to get something from his things and would need to go back to the classroom for it, but it wasn’t intentional. No matter how much he checked his stuff there would always be something that he forgot, remembering to retrieve it only when their practice had started. And of course he would always catch Shin inside the room, tending to his work, but never again did he catch him taking that small nap like from that time. On normal occasions Nao would curse the heavens for putting him in such an awkward situation, but he didn’t. And it wasn’t awkward – it really shouldn’t be awkward – when they saw each other again, and this time Shin took the time to greet back whenever Nao greeted him. Shin wasn’t such a bad guy after all, but then again, Nao never actually thought that he was.

From that time on as well, Shin always seemed to have more work on his hands which compelled him to stay behind for a longer time, and eventually it took him until the time the soccer team finished practice to finish his work. He could’ve gone before Nao reached the classroom but being the delicate and organized person that he was, it always took time for him to fix and file his works, and Nao always caught him just before he could go.

“Hey, mind if I walked with you? I promise I’ll be quiet,” Nao suddenly asked one time, and as if on a reflex, Shin just nodded; it didn’t help that it was always only the two of them left in the classroom. It was then that the both of them learned that they actually lived in the same neighborhood, except they had to go on opposite directions once they reached this certain intersection.

It was really strange that they haven’t ran into each other all these time. For Shin’s case it might be a bit understandable, but every once in a while he did go out. Nao was always running around the neighborhood. Oddly enough they didn’t think this information as strange; even odder was that it was as if they knew all along. As the two of them parted ways, Nao threw his signature smile and a friendly wave, while Shin gave a respectful nod.

Ever since then the two always walked home together, as if they’ve been doing it for as long as they could remember.

• • •
Needless to say Nao and Shin became good friends, maybe beyond friends. Brothers, perhaps, but that word couldn’t even describe half of what their relationship was. It never crossed their minds – in fact, anybody’s mind – that what they had between them was strange, new, or sudden. Everybody acted as if Shin playing soccer with Nao or Nao fixing papers with Shin was as normal as seeing the season change from summer to autumn. If anything, it was as if everybody was waiting for this sort of thing to happen, as if they knew this would happen, regardless of the fact that Nao and Shin were strangers to each other just a couple of weeks ago. This never bothered anybody though; it actually brought some good, at least something new – Shin’s elusive smile. That smile might not be seen everytime he’s seen with Nao, not even when taller tackled him to the ground while playing around or when they dashed together from their building to the other because it was lunch time and the cafeteria is there. Even so, there was always a certain glimmer deep in Shin’s eyes that said he’d never trade anything for the times he spent with Nao.

That certain glimmer was reflected in Nao’s eyes, which seemed all the happier if that was even possible, considering that he had always been a jolly character. The shine in Nao’s eyes rivaled even the brightest star before his eyes – before his and Shin’s eyes – as the both of them laid on the grass, under the night sky.

With those eyes, Nao looked at Shin who looked at him in return, sporting the same liveliness in his gaze. And for some reason Shin couldn’t help but let out a nervous laugh as their shoulders brushed, gaining him a short, amused laugh from the other boy. With each second that passed they found themselves closer to each other until their foreheads touched, their noses touched, and their lips met. As the kiss was broken, Shin had his eyes closed but his lips stretched wide into a giddy smile, picturing Nao to be doing the same (and he was).

“You know, it feels as if we’ve done this before,” the smaller said quietly, but still keeping his eyes shut, as if savoring the moment. But Nao didn’t reply at once unlike the usual, and it made Shin look up with curious but still lively eyes, finding the taller boy’s gaze transfixed on the heavens.

“Maybe we have,” Nao answered as quietly and shifted his eyes on the form lying beside him, “In a past life or something.”

For a moment the both of them were silent as they looked at each other, and Shin broke into another smile as he nodded in agreement, as if what Nao said was the most obvious thing in the world.

Perhaps it was.