“Superficial mysteries.”

[miseinen]

When you finally understand what it meant, the truth will leave your lips. Not as words. But a sound at the back of your throat.
For paranoiascreams.

✖

There are some things in this world that you just can’t explain no matter how hard you look into it, and there are things that no matter how obscure, you’d still be able to make sense out of them. Rui found it better to just let those things be and appreciate them for what they are, accept them for what they are without any unnecessary psychoanalyzing. Sometimes it’s better to just sit back and be grateful for whatever is given to you, for whatever other people show you. Rui viewed the world like that because it’s easier that way.

Umi wasn’t like that. The world is made up of colors and designs that others don’t usually see or understand – others didn’t care to see or understand – but he saw and understood most of them. Even in the strangest things he would always find a deeper value to it, and from a blank piece of paper he would always see an idea that’s never been done before. It was a skill that kept him surviving in this small-scale war of meaning and creativity, and it was a skill that many envied of him – Rui included. With this, Umi was able to understand people without even being socializing much with them, which results to his seemingly unfriendly stance to the world. For this, it’s not all that surprising that Umi thinks a little highly of himself, making him come off as arrogant and conceited.

Naturally, Umi got frustrated over the things that he didn’t understand. And it frustrated him even more when people ignored those things and moved on, because for him everything can be explained and be made sense out of. So it’s also not surprising whenever he saw Rui being his laid back self and vented his anger on the bassist.

Umi vented not using physical force but by reprimanding Rui for the smallest things, making him do more work than necessary, shouting at him at random times. And while everybody dismissed that simply as Umi PMS-ing, Rui thought nothing of it. That made Umi even more agitated and so the cycle would start again, but once everything’s said and done, he’d feel better. Actually, Rui’s mere presence made him feel better, but he’d never admit to that.

Umi wondered why he couldn’t shake the thought of Rui off his mind. Normally when there’s something – someone, in this case – that frustrated him or he didn’t understand, he’d simply think that it never existed. Of course he could never tell himself that Rui didn’t exist, but he could always ignore him unless it’s for band matters. And with each day that passed he just felt his eyes get drawn by Rui every time, which frustrated him to unimaginable levels.

Just what is it with this guy?

And then Umi’s obsession with trying to make sense out of things would start again – with him trying to psychoanalyze each of Rui’s movements, which, at the end, can be explained with a simple ‘because I need to do it’ or ‘because I’m bored’ or ‘it doesn’t really mean anything’ (Rui’s words).

His eyes followed Rui as the latter continued to flip the couch’s cushions and the magazines scattered in front of the entertainment system, in search of a key chain he bought some time ago and forgotten that he had. It was yet another of those things Rui did that Umi could never really understand the significance of, and at that Umi couldn’t help but sigh.

“Why do I even bother with you?”

It wasn’t much of a question but a statement; with Umi chanting those words every time Rui does something that he’d deem stupid, never really expecting the bassist to answer.

“Maybe because you care?” Rui answered absently, not giving any real thought to his words.

Care. That was something he’d never paid attention to, not when it comes to dealing with Rui. Umi reclined on the couch and stroked his chin, all the while staring up on the ceiling in deep thought. Given this answer, the gears in Umi’s head started working again and Rui raised a brow towards his band mate. Umi had his head in the gutter as to why he cared so much about that man.

When he finally had the answer at the tip of his tongue – so shocking he suddenly stood up and nearly toppled the coffee table over – Rui had already left. And maybe that was better because there’s just no way that he could ever explain to Rui that he just didn’t trouble his mind, but perhaps also his heart.